the dream


the dream

me, an ex girlfriend, hotel bedroom, old frail man, treasure in the dirt and stone portal

i would like to describe a dream i had on tuesday/wednesday night 29 Mar last and which has had a profound effect on me

i was in a luxurious hotel with my ex…. we were not close emotionally but in bed the soft skin and warmth was very arousing…. i had been to the toilet for a pee and she had moved over slightly to my side of the bed indicating an interest in physical contact…. before i hopped in she said ‘are you wet? i dont like that feel on my skin’ i said ‘i’m not sure, i was thinking of something else, on the way back i saw a gardener that caught my attention, i will go back and clean up’…. on the way back to the bathroom i saw the gardener again, down on the lawn in a beautifully landscaped hotel garden, a frail man looking incapable of completing the job at hand…. he had sweeped up leaves and grass and dirt on the lawn and was picking something up from it with his hands bringing it to his face, to smell/taste it, finding in it some treasure which he, like gollum, wanted no one else to see, so even though he was out in the open in broad daylight with the hotel of several floors encircling him and able to see him, including me, he looked around defensively, deceitfully innocuous, disingenuous and surreptitiously placed the found item, this treasure, into the inside pocket of his long coat like fagan from the musical ‘oliver’…. it looked like a sausage wrapped in paper, it wasn’t clear… but i am certain he wanted no one else to see it…. there was a suggestion that this item would popularly be described as dirty and disgusting, nonetheless it had value for him, it was a treasure

i continued on my way and found myself in the same garden which had a stone wall about 1 metre high running through it and in the wall was a matching stone portal with pillars on both sides topped with a stone lintel…. for some reason instead of walking through, i climbed on top of the lintel and as i looked down i started to get dizzy, fear arose, the ground beckoning menacingly….. there was another stone pillar rising up higher than the lintel on which i was able to steady myself and then i climbed back down


the message i received 

from my scant knowledge of jungian dream interpretation, a dream generally has distinct stages something like this:

the setting

in the images and symbols of this dream there are predominantly the masculine and feminine archetypes which are searching for wholeness in the body called fionntain…. the dream begins in a luxurious hotel in which the split, the canyon, i experience in my psyche is revealed. The feminine and the masculine are not emotionally close yet given a limited number of primal triggers, such as warmth and luxury, there can be physical attraction which temporarily bridges the split

the development

on this occasion the feminine is no longer passive and clearly expresses her desire for the masculine to be clean. The masculine in his wish to be clean, perhaps meaning pure or integrated or whole, then is shown that he feels he is an old man with not enough energy for the task he has taken on…. yet, still, in the dirt of life he finds a treasure, which he is still unclear about, which he keeps from others, in defence and with deceit, out of fear of not being commercial, leading to the fear of destitution. Yet his attempts to hide are very poor because all can see what he is doing… it feels to me my unconscious self is showing me that at times i am not fully convinced of the treasure i possess, not really in a relaxed free flowing place, at times i act awkwardly, foolishly, this is a challenge for me, where is my power i ask, i know i have a treasure, i am unsure what to do with it, when there’s even a hint of it the mind kicks in with reasoned ‘familiar, tried and tested’ alternatives, when there a hint of it then there’s the question will i be met with disapproval if i reveal what i have found, will i attract the woman of my dreams if i reveal my real power, will poverty and struggle be my lot…. the usual fears 🙂

the crisis

i am shown a way through to somewhere new, a clear path to the core of my being, my essence, as the symbol of stone infers, but instead i muddy the waters, make the path difficult for myself and i climb it, dominate it, control it, feel more superior than it…. I now find myself on top, there’s not a lot of room up here and when i look down unease arises, uncertainty in these lofty godlike heights, i am unsteady on my feet and eventually forced to find a way back down to earth. This would appear to be the climax of the dream, showing the resultant dizziness, fatigue and uncertainty that is the result of my secretive, deceitful ways, the result of searching in god consciousness for comfort in belief, blinding my vision and driving me to take on the lofty patriarchal hangup of dominance over the feminine earth, a neurosis not just in me but in the collective psyche, a neurosis which has not just affected and abused women, but men too and all other genders

the context, the resolution and way forward

the way forward is quite clear, the masculine in me must come down from the lofty heights, honed in the religious circles i was breast feed on, in the roman catholic church and other similar organisations and affiliates and triggered by the neurosis within each cell of my body and come back down onto solid ground….  and its not like there is a problem, or i’ve done something wrong, these are experiences which i have opened myself to, now its time for something new, more harmony….  it is a challenge but one which my consciousness is doing everything it can to guide me through, using all sorts of media including at present many very clear dreams….this is a message to say its time to leave the vibration you once soaked yourself in, and discover something that will allow the masculine and feminine within to live in the bliss the world is crying out for…. today it feels the way forward for me remains in continuing to build the dance pavilion and share my songs and sounds, but more songs of the raw earthy fionntain and less of the angelic stuff 

you are invited to join me on my forthcoming livestreams on facebook and youtube tonite at 9pm, friday 6pm and sunday 3pm, in which i will be expanding on this and subsequent dreams and moving the vib of the transmissions consciously to the more earthy tracks from my archives 🙂 !!!




Published by fionntáin

In 2005 i had a profound spiritual experience leading me to record my debut album, ‘Under the Great Shady Tree’. I have faced depression, sadness, anger, jealousy, guilt, sexual craving, loss, grief, disapproval, fear, loneliness and many other emotions and have found the strength within to keep going. In 2015 i had another profound spiritual experience which opened my heart wider still, and allows me today to see that everything we experience is here to help us. Today i have left most of the modalities i have practiced in the past and live with the ever increasing knowing that I am the creator of my reality. I am the only one.

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