To paraphrase Marianne Williamson, it’s not my darkness I’m most afraid of (I’ve been fumbling freely about in the dark for many years now) it’s my light. To paraphrase Jesus, instead of loving my light and placing it on the table top for all to see, I’ve hidden it from view. This has been changing, gradually in recent years, thanks largely to some beautiful people I’ve met including a wonderfully loving challenging community of healers who use a technique called “Clearing’ which I have written about at http://www.aschouving.com (email me for the password). As clearing progresses, it opens up new vistas, the box gets larger, yet it’s still a box. And the box I’m in at present appears to have firmly entrenched at its boundaries: resistance to the ‘disapproval of others’ and the need to have ‘control over others’. It’s a power game. I haven’t accepted my own power, my own light, the fire of my existence, so I’ve survived mainly like a parasite feeding deceitfully, mostly subconsciously, on the power of others, their likes and dislikes. Therefore, their disapproval was never appreciated. I have only wanted one thing: control. Now it’s different, today it’s clear, this is my prayer: I want to accept this fear of the disapproval of others and the need for control of others. That’s not much to ask for, is it?
Addendum. One week later.
It is with great joy and wonder that I bring the news that my prayer has been answered, in as much as it is possible for me to perceive. Alleluia.
F I O N N T Á I N 