Voices In My Head

I watched a wonderful talk in the TED series given by Eleanor Longden which touched me very deeply. She spoke of her childhood abuse, hearing disturbing voices in her head as a young adult, dealing with psychiatric misdiagnosis and further abuse and thru the help of compassionate loving people finding the power within to heal herself. I don’t experience disturbing voices in my head, but my thought process has been a constant disturbing struggle for me. I felt a connection and listened on. It was the old story of triumph through adversity, but one thing that struck me was that the language of love, compassion, facing her ‘demons’ and discovering a healing power within, was delivered with no reference made to god, spirit or religion; the power to heal was within herself.

I have become aware of a life time of looking outside of myself for guidance, help, inspiration to find the power within to heal the hurt, caused by my own ‘voices’ in my head. You need help to discover you can heal yourself, so you ask someone else to show you. Friends, workshops, talks, courses, books, retreats, more books all of which were of great assistance to me but were all glazed with that energy I give to other people, giving my own energy away, because I feel something outside of me has the key to my happiness and freedom. And one of the greatest influences for me in constantly looking outside of myself for inspiration was religion. You will find your salvation in God….up there in Heaven!

The need for another to heal you, is a human construct called ‘salvation’. Whether you call yourself catholic or protestant, hindu or muslim, agnostic or atheist, buddhist or taoist, tribalist or nationalist, some other religionist, don’t know-ist or don’t care-ist, it doesn’t matter, there is a strong vibration pulsing thru this earth that attracts most of us to greater or lesser degrees to the belief, deep-seated subconscious belief that happiness, contentment, peace, healing ie. salvation from the strife and turmoil, pains and woes of this life is found in something outside of ourselves, lovers, mothers, doctors, healers, teachers, preachers, etc. etc.. It is a distraction. Where does this energy of ‘distraction’ comes from, I don’t no. What is its objective, I don’t know. I do know it sent me on a spiral of guilt, low self-esteem and warring thought processes that I’ve spent all of my adult life struggling with. In general our society, through force, (typically mental force and the younger the child the better so the mental force appears quite benign), suppresses most of the childs creativity, yet leaves a vestige of the beauty, so that as the child grows there is an increasing awareness of 2 seemingly opposing views within, setting up within the child a warring thought process inside which only finds its salvation in some god or other outside of the self.

Today I find myself for the first time in a zone where the warring thought processes have made peace. It is a calmer place. The thoughts are still there, but there’s an inner knowing that thy are ok. They are signposts for me, showing me where healing is required. Just as Eleanor made friends with the voices in her head, I have made friends with the thoughts in mine. Eleanor might say: ‘The most difficult feelings represent those parts most hurt. These voices need to be shown the greatest compassion and care, acceptance and respect’. Along with my emotions and body sensations, my thoughts reflect the true essence of my being. When you come home to your own thoughts, emotions and the sensations of your body, and make peace with them, healing begins. This is who the healer is. This is who the savior is. This is who the God / Goddess is. It is you and will only ever be you.

Thanks so much to Eleanor Longden for the inspiration, the switch that turned another light on. And to all the loving people I’ve met down through the years, all the switches I’ve known. I respond to you all with my open loving heart: continue to be electrifying and ‘Heal thyself’.

🙂