My Body, My Tummy and My Food

 

 

I write to share with you a clear breakthrough, a shift i have experienced in my body thanks to all the love, my love, to the love of the whole world, and to the love in the heart of Matt Kahn and the guidance he shares with all. It is particularly inspired by Matts latest Youtube video, ‘The End of Inner Conflict’.

I share this simple but powerful story because i feel it may help others (and my tummy agrees), who also have tummy issues, to see what is right in front of them, everyday. This story is about the way i eat, not what i eat, for my diet is a healthy one. 

I have been called to care for my body all my life. On an energetic level this calling became clearer 10 years ago, and now Matts video inspires a fine tuning to another new level. Simply put, i have begun to really speak directly to my body and more specifically in this story, to my tummy. Matts clear distinction between the journeys we are on has been revolutionary. He invites us to realise that it is not we who are on the journey but our bodies. This is a rock in the flow of my stream, a resting point to pause, to reflect, to look back, to look around me, to prepare and realign for new possibilities. It builds on the wonderful foundations Matt has assisted me with, foundations that have for me being reinforced again and again in his videos and in accepting always that ‘everything is here to help us’. But there were some very specific occasions when the teachings fired within me aha moments, or as i like to call them, ‘holy shit’ moments. There have been many. Today these are the ones that stand out:

1. Youtube videos, ‘Raising your Vibration’ and ‘Anchoring a new Consciousness’. On St Valentines day 2015 and a few days before, a friend sent me a link to these videos, introducing me to Matt, whose energetic transmission turned a key and anchored a new consciousness in my being, opening my heart like never before and yes, raising my vibration. This is how i remember his words, and i paraphrase, ‘Nothing you have thought, said or done in the past has anything got to do with the essence of this moment. You are an angel from heaven experiencing the diversity and magnificence of your power. No matter how dark, no matter how light, it is all love. Keep going’.  
2. After attending Matts Angel Academy 7 and his 5day Retreat in March this year i felt confirmed, ordained into a level of love i have never known before  
3. Matts Youtube video, ‘The Path of Courage’: The difference between a narcissist and an energetically sensitive soul, and the inspiration to stand more fully than ever before into the calling i feel deep in my heart and now this latest video
4. Matts Youtube video, ‘The End of Inner Conflict’: Respect the body, its the body’s journey not yours.

After watching the video ‘The End of Inner Conflict’ i felt immediate change, something had shifted, a lightness like i had never known, a clarity which i couldn’t put into words, it was like there was a clearing ahead into which i was invited to enter and i knew it was good. The clearing ahead became clearer to me. As i moved through the day the simple but profound task of being with my tummy began to emerge as a top priority. Now as i began to eat, i felt in a new way, with greater clarity that,

1. I was eating too fast
2. I was eating too much

This i have known and faced for many years, but now as i turned to my body yet again, i spoke more directly to it, it was as if it was the only concern i had, as if the journey to my light was now over and that all that mattered was that my body was relaxed. And being as relaxed as i have ever being, and spending lots of time with my tummy, i slowly over these last days began to hear my tummy speak to me like it had never done before. I have being stuffing myself for years. Now this truth seemed to drop deeper. Deep into the recesses of my belly, my digestive organs, bombarded as they have been, deep into my ancestral womb, into the anger and rage of the generations at the quality and quantity of the food i was receiving, deep into the instinct for survival, but also deep into the call and being true to the call to come into my body, fully into my body, deep into my body, deep into the agonised acceptance of what i was receiving and into the addictive behaviour this has established, and yet deeper still into the acknowledgement of the glimmer of light that held me all these years which said it was all good, perfect, all a manifestation of love, all love in disguise, dressed up as oppressiveness and insensitivity and the subconscious acquiescence, agape like chicks in a nest, to a competitive, stressful, painful way of life. On a train last Thursday August 31, as i gazed out the window, i reflected on the virgoan season we are going through, finding places in my body hidden and suppressed for years, places holding the cellular memory of hurt, and taking the opportunity to really go there, knowing this place, feeling this place and committing myself to stay there forever if needs be, with a piece of bread in front of me, into which i have hidden so much, i honoured the bread, i let my body decide if it needed it and i realised as i did, as i respected the bread and my body simultaneously, i realised the following

1. As i grew up, love was hard to come by, so i found that food satisfied my desire for love, it was one of the few beautiful things i could experience on my terms and be able to control it
2. The more i could get, the happier i was. The faster i could get it, the happier i was. And so i eat too much and too fast
3. And because my happiness was tied to the food i ate, wasting food, not finishing the plate, meant i was wasting happiness and the opportunity for more beauty and bliss and love. Therefore my tummy had the further humiliation of being a dump.
4. Now i realise how i have abused my body and I have spoken to my tummy like never before and said ‘i am sorry, i just didnt know the magnitude of what i was doing. I can see now. As i eat i will be speaking with you, until i learn how to treat you with love. And i need you to show me how to care for you, how to answer your needs. I have become addicted to a way of eating, my jaw and teeth move to an ingrained rhythm, the mouth prepares itself for the intake and you my friend await in fear and brace yourself in defensiveness for the onslaught of my eating habits. I have been sending ‘i love yous’ for over 2 years, to all my wonderful inner children and many now have become friends and are happy to take the hand of love i offer them as they walk their journey to peace and relaxation. But i have noticed some particular hurts still cry out to me, and one hurt is you. Each time i sat to eat my food and i thanked the universe for the abundance i partake of, there has been an instantaneous, ‘Ah, piss off, a load of rubbish’ response from inside. I now for the first time realise where this is coming from and how to address this abandoned voice, you my beautiful tummy, with love.

So each meal is now a special time for me, my food and my tummy. And i know my tummy wants to express gratitude to all who have inspired me to keep going, keep moving, keep changing, keep consuming, keep ensuing, keep touching, keep breathing and keep loving. My tummy is more content than ever before. This isn’t the first time my tummy and i have spoken. It is the first time that my tummy can turn to me and respond to me with trust. I can now call my tummy my friend, on the condition, for the moment at least, that i keep focused and continue to love it with every bite i take, show my tummy that my love and gratitude is real. Spending so much time with my tummy, i realise the physical/emotional scars i have inflicted on it physically. I want to acknowledge how wonderful and powerful my tummy has been, that despite my lack of care and abuse, it is still in good condition, still wants to take food, and so quickly, within a matter of days has warmed to my loving overtures and is really happy we are now talking and growing in trust. The scars may take some time to heal and this will  principally be by allowing my body to adjust to eating slowly, without eating too much. I am gentle and sensitive and i give my tummy all the tummy-care it needs now. As i write these words and edit and reedit them, i fall deeper in love with my tummy and feel the healing taking place and lightness entering my body like never before. Thank you for reading my message, your presence and the space your reading of it holds for me, is very healing and greatly appreciated. I extend boundless gratitude and buckets of love to YouTube and all the beautiful people who i have met along the wonderful journey into my body. Thank you tummy, I love you ❤